What I learned because I refused to learn

“Dad, stop speaking Spanish. Speak English.”

A few weeks ago, I was hosting some guests from Europe and took them to beautiful Grouse Mountain, in Vancouver.  For those that have never been, it’s stunning.  Imagine being surrounded by panoramic views of the city, the ocean, and mountains.  I highly recommend Grouse Mountain for anyone visiting Vancouver – accessible by gondola OR the Grouse Grind hike (2830 stairs to the top) for those that want an extra reward at the top (the reward being sweaty satisfaction).  Here's a picture for you in case you want to know what the reward of doing 2830 stairs looks like.

Up on the mountain, we ate a delicious lunch. We laughed and enjoyed our rich history of forestry at the Lumberjack show.  We experienced Canada’s wildlife by seeing two grizzly bears up close (they are in a protected area so thankfully not too close!).

As I stood and watched the bears cool off in the water during the hot day, there was a family next to me. The son was about 4 years old and his father said something to him in Spanish.  The little boy was embarrassed and said to his father “dad, stop speaking Spanish!  Speak English!”

I couldn’t help but laugh.  He was so sure of himself. So sure that he was right –that he should be speaking English. It was cute.  Adorable. Hilarious.

The father probably didn’t think it was so cute.

I leaned over and told the father to keep doing what he was doing.  That one day his son would appreciate it.

I know this from personal experience.

I was that little boy. Except, well, I was a little girl.  And it wasn’t Spanish for me. It was Croatian and Italian.  But otherwise, those exact words could have come out of my mouth at his age.

When I was growing up, my parents spoke Croatian to me. And I hated it.  It was at a time in my life when I didn’t want to be different. I wanted to be like everyone else.  

I didn’t think learning was cool.  But I didn’t have a choice. Croatian was what we spoke in our house and it wasn’t optional.

My parents also spoke Italian and tried teaching me.  I used to call Italian “the angry language” because it sounded like people were yelling.  (It turns out Italians are just really passionate when they speak and not, in fact, angry).

Regardless, I refused to learn it.  I missed out on learning Italian.  I rejected every opportunity to speak it and hear it.

And I regret that I was as persistent and stubborn in not learning Italian as a child because it sure would have been easier to learn it growing up.

When I grew older, I discovered what I called “the angry language,” most people called “the language of love and romance.”

Go figure.

Today, whenever we go to Italy, I learn as much as I can before I arrive. I practice any word I can. I hang on to every word I hear because I think the language is so beautiful.  I wish I could have learned when I was younger.  With my parents to teach me. With my family to practice with.  And a lifetime to improve. 

As disappointed as I am in myself about Italian, I’m super grateful my parents did NOT listen to me when it came to teaching me Croatian.  I argued learning Croatian but my parents made sure learning Croatian was mandatory. 

I’m proud that I can speak a second language (and another half language if you count the Mandarin I brush up on during trips to China).

I love that I can speak to my relatives in Croatia whenever we visit.  I treasure that I can connect with my family in such a personal way, even though they live across the world and we have grown up so differently. 

Croatian comes in handy when Troy and I travel – I’m always his personal translator in any country with similar languages (Montenegro, Czech Republic and Slovenia, so far).  And I never know when I will hear someone speaking Croatian as I travel around the world. In fact, in February, I met two Croatian gentlemen in Cuba after I heard them speaking it at a restaurant.  It’s incredible for connecting with strangers AND for practical things like asking where the bathroom is.

What I’ve learned through learning Croatian and NOT learning Italian is profound for me.  And it’s true for you too.

·      Being different is not only OK, it’s vital for many of the best things in life.  What you have seen, learned and been through in your life is what makes you special and interesting.  Our distinctive cultures are beautiful and meant to be shared.  Our mix of learning, experiences and culture makes each of us irreplaceable.   And today, I’m proud to be uniquely me!  I want you to be proud to be uniquely you too!

·      As humans, we need to push ourselves into the uncomfortable.  There are always times we want to give up.  Times we feel the learning is pointless, or isn’t worth the hassle.  But our own development is irreplaceable.  The reward always comes after we’ve pushed ourselves enough to deserve the incredible learning.  And sometimes the reward is just knowing we did it and proving we could! 

·      As a parent, as a leader, as a friend, sometimes we have to push others past an uncomfortable point.  I’m so glad my parents encouraged me to learn Croatian. I am impressed they could resist my stubborn nature and am forever appreciative of their tenacity.

Through languages – those I learned and those I didn’t – I’ve discovered that all learning is incredible.

Learning is a gift.  It is sometimes uncomfortable, challenging, and perhaps even embarrassing. 

But no learning is ever wasted or futile.

The next time you have the opportunity to learn, take it.  If you haven’t learned something new in a while, it’s never too late.  (I truly believe I will be able to speak Italian one day, hopefully sooner than later).   And please don’t be afraid to teach.  Teaching takes patience, kindness, understanding, and grace.  Even when you are met with resistance, persist.  You may not know it yet, but you will change lives.

Learn or teach others to:

·      Take beautiful pictures

·      Make incredible cocktails in a bartending class

·      Sing

·      Play piano

·      Swim

·      Manage time better

·      Cook Indian food

·      Appreciate art

·      Understand your finances

Learning and teaching will give you:

·      Confidence

·      Joy

·      Experiences

·      An open mind

·      Friendship

·      New skills

·      A conversation starter when meeting others

·      Growth

·      The “cool factor” – yes learning is cool!

Now it’s your turn. 

Go learn.  Teach.  Connect.  Grow.

Thank you to my parents for teaching me Croatian and for never giving up on me.

And know that one day, I’ll speak to you in “the language of love.”

--Lisa Michaud

Success Coach

PS.   The last “The Spark” 4-week One-on-One Coaching Package is now gone!  But, because you are such loyal readers and I love you (I really do!), I’ve decided to offer one more at the last-chance price of $500 for my readers only.  After this, the price goes up to $600.  If you’re looking to be encouraged, I’m here to support and uplift you.  If you want more learning in your life, you’ll be amazed at how much we can accomplish together in 30 days.  If you’re looking to be pushed and challenged, let’s get you kick-started to next adventure in life! 

Contact me at lisa@lisamichaud.com and mention this post to get the special pricing. I’d love to connect (for free) to see if we’re a good fit and find out what’s next for you on your learning journey.

Are you wasting 70% of your time?

“Everybody’s working for the weekend...”

Ahhh…a great song. Nostaligic beats. Just hearing the song might take you back to your younger years.  Or maybe you’re younger than me and don’t know the song, in which case you should YouTube it. Now.

As great as the song is, I think “working for the weekend” is bullshit.

Utter, complete bullshit.

Why?

Your life is meant to be full.  Full of fun.  Full of life.  Full of memories and good times.

Too often I hear people telling me they “can’t do anything on week nights.” We frequently laugh and make jokes, calling those nights “school nights.”  As if our parents and school principal are still telling us what we can and can’t do.

It's time to never waste a week night again.

Let’s do some simple math.

There are seven days and nights in a week.

You work five days.

You get two nights a week that you don’t have to work the next day.

That means you only have fun 2/7 nights.

That’s only 28% of your nights. 

If you’re working for the weekend, you are wasting more than 70% of your evenings. Considering you spend 40+ hours at work in a week, wasting 70% of your evenings is just plain stupid.

So, I challenge you to make the most of your weeknights. In those evenings, you could be making time to:

• Cook your favourite meal
• Have a Skype date with a friend
• Take a photography course you’ve been dying to take
• Go to sleep early because sometimes sleep is just soooooo good
• Schedule a hot date night with that special someone…or say yes to a weeknight date with someone new! 
• Book that yoga class because even if you do fall asleep, at least you showed up

These nights are precious time. Your time is valuable. Don’t waste it in front of the TV.  Don’t waste it too exhausted to focus.  Don’t waste it on housework.

And guess what – if at the end of the day you are too tired and mentally exhausted from a job you don’t love?

Then you REALLY need to take my advice and make a change. 

• Work on resumes you keep saying you will submit
• Sign up for a new course
• Commit to one networking event a week.  Hint: networking doesn’t have to be stuffy events with suits. It can be joining a hiking group, volunteering for a local non-profit, or a happy-hour with new friends
• Start a side-business to test a career move before you leap

There’s time for wonderful indulgences every day.  Movement towards our goals.  Small, simple pleasures.  Sweet memories.  Love. Laughter. 

There's time for Growth. Learning. Working for our goals. Reaching our dreams.  Celebration.  New connection.  Expanding ourselves and our life.

But it’s only yours if you stop wasting your time.

Go get what you want tonight! 

 - Lisa

Success Coach 

www.lisamichaud.com

PS - Here's proof that I DO live life and go out (yes, even on school nights).  One afternoon after work, some friends and I drove up to Whistler, just for the evening.  In just a few hours, we did a 5km run, relaxed at the world class Scandinave Spa and sampled beer and dinner at Howe Sound Brewing.

 I can't wait to hear what YOU do with all your extra time! 

The Advice You Should Never Take

“Never take advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with.”

This is one of my favourite quotes.

I remember a lovely first date I had with my (new at the time) friend Matt Corker. 

For anyone who hasn’t heard of or met Matt – if you live in Vancouver, you’ve been living under a rock – this guy knows EVERYONE! And it’s because he’s fantastic. 

Matt and I were out for a run the first time we met and we got into the discussion of working women – one of my favourite topics. At the time, Matt worked for lululemon. I told him that I believed it was possible to “have it all” – work and family.

I also told him that I felt like I had it all but didn’t know many other people who did. 

Do you ever feel like this too?  Do you ever feel like you’re the only one?

The narrative out there seemed to be that “having it all” was a myth. Or that telling women they could “have it all” was cruel, and makes those who don’t have it all feel worse about themselves.

Not good.

Matt said something very profound to me.

He said, “If you think you can’t have it all, you’re talking to the wrong person.”

Bam.

Of course. 

Someone who doesn’t have it all will probably tell you it’s not possible. They’ll tell you it’s a myth, and that you have to pick between work , fun, and family. 

Matt hit the nail on the head. If you ask the right women, they will show you it’s possible. At lululemon, he knew many female executives who still made time to exercise, volunteer, and raise families. 

The same goes for men.  If you ask the right men, they will share wonderful stories from their paternity leave, of backpacking trips through Europe and exciting business accomplishments.

Let’s remember that “having it all” doesn’t mean there aren’t sacrifices. Tough decisions. Constant prioritization. And support required. 

But it IS possible! And isn’t prioritizing, making decisions, and being deliberate in what you do a HELL of a lot better than the alternative? 

Being deliberate beats missing out on having kids that you would love to have. 

Prioritizing beats being lonely because you’ve spent too much time at the office. 

Making the decision to set boundaries with your boss (or your business) sure beats missing a best friend’s bachelorette party or birthday.

Do you ever feel like you know it’s possible but just aren’t sure how to “have it all”?   

Here’s how you can get there too.

1)  Having it all starts with figuring out what “having it all” means to you. 

For some, it will mean running a marathon a year. 

For others, it will mean having three kids. 

For others (like me), it means travelling to new countries every year.

For many of us, it means having great family and friend relationships.

I believe we can have all this and also have rewarding, challenging and engaging work to do!

2)  Having it all also means surrounding yourself with other women and men who feel like they have it all. 

• Reach out to a friend or mentor who is clearly happy and fulfilled in their lives, and learn from them. 
• Talk to your friends about what “having it all” means to you, and to them. Support each other and encourage them to “have it all” too.

3)  Having it all means being deliberate with your time and consciously creating the life you want. This might mean:

• Setting the alarm early to have breakfast with your partner and kids because you aren’t always home for dinner.
• Saying no to volunteering for the fundraiser.
• Pumping the song “You can have it all” by JRDN in moments of doubt. Which literally just came on my iTunes random playlist.  Yup – it’s a sign – we can have it all!
• Having a conversation with your boss about after-hours emails.
• Working late some week nights and weekends so you can take a Friday off and head out on a wine-tasting weekend early.
• Taking paid or unpaid leave of absence to spend more time travelling.

All of these things become HEAPS easier when you know you’re doing it because you want to have it all.  

And you deserve to have it all.

--Lisa

Success Coach

PS If you’re looking for awesome books to get into the structure of HOW to have it all, I highly recommend Laura Vanderkam’s books168 Hours and I Know How She Does It.  I’ll be sharing learnings from her work from time-to-time but if you are super passionate about this topic, get her books now!  Side note - If you do follow my links, they don't cost you anything extra and keep me reading and recommending only the best books and advice for you!

The only thing you can count on... and it's not taxes or death

"The only thing that is constant is change"

Heraclitus. 

See, there isn’t always a next time.

I learned this, luckily, not through heartbreaking tragedy.

I learned it over some late-night sushi, karaoke and a few too many sake bombs.

There was a group of girls – Jessica, Nicole and I - that would hang out as often as possible. We’d go for sushi, have some wine, chat and laugh until our stomachs hurt.  

That summer, I went to Europe and I was gone for almost a month.  The night I got home, my girlfriends planned a night out to catch up.  

I was exhausted.

Troy and I had been traveling for over 42 hours.  We trained from Berlin to Frankfurt.  Flew from Frankfurt to Vancouver.  We sky-trained, sea-bused, drove, and then flew again from Vancouver to Calgary.  And then Calgary to Fort McMurray. And drove home.

The last thing I wanted to do was go out.  I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep because I had to work the next morning (needless to say, I like to maximize my vacation time).

Can you relate? 

But a little part of me just felt like I should go.  I should at least say hello to the girls.  So as Troy went to bed, I went out.

It was the best thing I did.

Being around fun people, I woke up. 

I laughed until my stomach hurt. 

I karaoke-ed  until I lost my voice.

I forgot about being tired.

I told them about my trip.  I shared stories of boating with my family in Croatia.  About how delicious the food in Italy was and what an original Bellini from Harry’s Bar in Venice actually was (spoiler alert – it’s not from a slushy machine and it IS life-changing).   I heard about Jessica and Nicole’s summer,  full of camping, working, and taking in the long Northern summer nights.

Nothing made this dinner a special occasion. 

It would have been so easy to stay in bed.

There was nothing monumental about this dinner.

There was no one unusual there or from out of town visiting.

There was no special food on the menu that night.

No happy hour deals.  No “restaurant-closing” events.

I had every reason to avoid going.  

It would have been easy to say “I’ll go next time.”  

I cringe to think about what would have happened if I had said that. 

There’s 2 things I learned that night:

• I felt so much better as soon as I got to my dinner plans.  The hardest thing is often getting off the couch and out of the house.  I always feel great once I’ve gotten out of my house and I’m on my way!

• Things change.  Always.  In hindsight, I learned that this was our last dinner together as a sushi girl-gang.  And every moment matters.

Now I promised you this wasn’t tragic and it’s not. 

BUT….

All of my friends moved away within 6 weeks of that dinner.  None of us knew it at the time.  But within 2 months, we were all in different cities.

That had been our last chance.

I learned that...

There isn’t always a “next time.”   

I’ve had the pleasure of continuing my friendship with both of these incredible women. 

If it’s something that is important,  I need to make time for it. 

We’ve danced in Hawaii for Nicole’s wedding. 

We sipped wine together in Kelowna for my wedding. 

We cooked a gourmet meal in Canmore for Jessica’s stagette.

But we have never again had sushi and sake bombs at our watering hole. 

That simple dinner taught me to embrace the moment because things always change.

So, is there something you have been waiting for the perfect moment to do?  

Are you choosing too often to stay in instead of have fun because you’re too tired?

Do you only make exceptions when you expect things to be unique?  Do you only make the effort when it’s a weekend? A special occasion?  An out-of-town guest?

What are you saying no to because “it’s a school night?”  (Even though you and I know perfectly well you’re not in school.  And it’s just an excuse).  

Take my story and learn from it too.  It’s not incredibly dramatic.  It doesn’t involve heartbreak, or tragedy.

But it is truth.

I want you to seize the moment.  

Because this moment is the only one like it.

And it’s yours for the taking.

Go get it.

 - Lisa

Success Coach 

www.lisamichaud.com

PS.  The only thing that is constant is change and one of the things that is changing is price.  I’m almost sold-out of “The Spark” package at the introductory price of $500.  I have 1 package left and after that, the price increases to $650.  If you’ve been wondering if this package is for you, get in touch with me today!  Consider this your message to seize the moment (and this great price!) before it disappears.  We’ll schedule a free discovery session and see how coaching can change your life – starting now! 

Why your job title doesn't matter and you can throw away your degree

Ok so don’t throw away your degree.  It was probably a lot of work, pretty expensive and you likely had some fun times which you may (or may not) remember from buck-a-beer nights.

But a job title and a degree aren’t the end-all, be-all to your career.

There’s a lot more to a brilliant career. 

A few years into my career, I worked on a project where I helped relocate people from Fort McMurray to Calgary.  Ironically, through the project, it was decided that my job would also be moving. Troy (my boyfriend at the time) and I chatted about it. It was right at the 2-year mark of my time in Fort McMurray.  However, I still loved living in the city.   We were making great friends. We'd just bought our dream house. I wasn't ready to leave. 

But I couldn't stay in my current job AND stay in our community.

I needed to find a new job.  Within my current company. 

At the time, most of my work experience had been in HR.  And I really liked HR.  My degrees were in Accounting and Finance and I had zero interest working in either of those.  I wanted to stay in HR.  Unfortunately, there were only two options for me.  Recruiting or Advising.  And neither appealed to me. 

I was stuck.

What was I going to do?

I loved the company and didn't want to leave.

I didn't want to move.

I just wanted to work in HR.  

Why did things have to change? 

Completely lost, I sat down with my mentor. I explained my predicament and while I felt like my life was spinning out of control, he didn't seem so concerned.

"Why don't you look outside of HR?"

For a minute, I was confused.  Had he not just heard everything I said?  I wanted to stay in HR.  But I couldn't stay in HR.  But I wanted to stay in it.

Spin. Spin. Spin.

The advice that followed changed the trajectory of my career and life.  And now I want to share it with you.

My mentor asked me what kind of work I liked doing.  And I wasn’t allowed to answer “HR”. 

Needless to say I was stumped at first.  But then the genius came through.

He challenged me to think about what I enjoyed doing.  Not the subject, but the WORK itself.  What kind of WORK did I enjoy?

My career, he explained (and literally drew for me), wasn't linear.  He was (and still is) a mining engineer.  You'd think something like "mine engineer" would be pretty specific and a straight line to the top. 

But he drew out a map of his career for me regardless. I saw that even as a mining engineer, he'd worked in a lot of different areas of the business.  Some that had nothing to do with mining. Some that certainly didn't focus on engineering.  

And here he was loving his work.  In a very senior role.  At a young age.  Being a great leader.  And he was having fun doing it!

I had nothing to lose, so I took his advice.

Over the following few weeks, I started paying attention. I paid attention to what I enjoyed doing.  

(Side note:  You might remember me giving you this advice a few months ago.  I told you to start writing down what you enjoy doing.  If you haven't done it yet, do it now.  I swear it's extremely valuable!)

So back to my career crisis.  Here’s what my reflection came up with:

•   Presenting at meetings - enjoyed

•   Sitting at the computer analyzing spreadsheets - wanted to gouge eyes out

•   Explaining HR metrics to senior leadership - wanted to gouge their eyes out

•   Developing content and material for emails, presentations, stewardship reports – enjoyed

•   Facilitating awkward, messy conversations to find awesome outcomes – made me forget to eat, drink, and pee (I figured that was a fantastic sign!)

I came back to our next mentorship session proud of my list. From there, he encouraged me to start looking at job postings through this new lens.  To start looking at job descriptions with the criteria I created, instead of only the jobs in the HR department, or that had HR in the title. 

Suddenly a world of job opportunities and possibilities opened up.

Soon after this critical mindset shift, I found an opening for a Learning Coordinator role.  I applied, and I got it.  And I got a sweet 20% raise and extra bonuses on top of it!

A year later, I had gained more insight into what I liked and didn't like in my work. I didn't like repetition.  I loved project work.  I didn't like fire-fighting crises every day.

I was ready for another change.  Looking at job descriptions through this new lens, I wasn't stuck on just HR or Learning jobs.  I changed completely and went to job in the "Engineering" category (can you imagine?!).   I was offered a job as a Continuous Improvement Specialist and it fit all my new criteria.  And I got another raise (YES!).

As you can see, opening my eyes to the careers I could do allowed me to:

•   Gain incredible experience in diverse fields

•   Rapidly increase my income

•   Learn a new skill set

•   Be continuously challenged

•   Never get bored

•   Network with people across the company and get sh*t done through great relationships

•   Blow people's minds with how much I knew about other parts of our company and our business

•   Successfully avoid ever being an accountant (Amen!)

Here’s what you need to know about your career:

•   Most careers are not linear anymore

•   The more experience you have in different departments, the more value you bring

•   If you have experience in multiple areas, you can qualify for leadership opportunities in all of them

•   Your career doesn't have to focus on what you went to school for

•   Your career aspirations should not be about any title or department

Here’s what your career SHOULD focus on:

•   What fires you up

•   What engages you

•   What you find interesting

•   What you love doing

•   What you are good at

•   What keeps you doing what you want. Here are some examples.

◦       Learning

◦       Focusing on efficiency

◦       Project-work

◦       Specializing

◦       Being challenged

◦       Working on the fly (fire-fighting, as I call it!)

So, if you are contemplating a change but you're stuck, like I was, consider a mindset shift. Maybe you need to re-think your career like I did. 

Track what you love.  Take notes of the work you've really enjoyed doing. All the times you forget to eat lunch, or you don't even want to get up to pee -- star those things.  And go find more opportunities to do those things!

This shift has made all the difference.  Each day, I focus on the type of work I enjoy doing.  I structure my business to do what I love doing.  Heck, maybe you even need to go rogue and become an entrepreneur like me! 

 Think about your career in terms of the TYPE of WORK you do, instead of the subject.  

And watch the options in front of your eyes expand  -- and your career to grow into what YOU want it to be!

Expand your horizon and watch the world of opportunities open up!

Time to go eat and pee (because yes, writing is on my list of loves!)

-Lisa

Success Coach

PS. It’s my mission to help women (and men!) like you from around the world OWN and LOVE your career.  If you know a friend who’s unhappy and feels stuck in her career, share this post!  If you have a friend who’s looking for another job because she isn’t satisfied, forward her the link.  And make sure you sign up on my homepage www.lisamichaud.com so you never misses my career tips, insights and tools.  

Crush Your Dreaded To-Do List By Doing This First

I always hated running as a kid. I was consistently the slowest runner in my class.  I just didn’t enjoy it.

All that changed a few years ago when I found an amazing running gang to join.  I had the pleasure of leading a group of incredible running men and women for 3 years in Fort McMurray.

Since then, I’ve done 5 half marathons.  Run many times in weather as cold as -30 degrees.  Celsius.  (In case you’re wondering, yup that’s as cold as it sounds and it hurts.). I’ve run hung-over.  I’ve given up mid-run to stop for frozen yogurt. 

It’s all been possible because I loved running.

Recently though, I started hating it.  Dreading it.  Scheduling it and just ignoring the reminders that came up on my phone.

I finally started asking myself “why?”  

At first, I asked self-deprecating questions.  Like “why am I bailing on running?”  That didn’t help.  I would answer it with “because I’m lazy.  Or stupid.”  That kind of talk didn’t get me anywhere. Telling myself I’m lazy and stupid?  That’s just not nice.  Or true.

So I asked myself the different “why”.  I asked “why do I want to run”?  And “why is running important to me”?  And through this, I rediscovered my LOVE for running.

WHY.

It’s such a powerful question. 

Pair it with WANT and you’ve exponentially grown the power of the question.

Here’s how it worked:

Why do I want to run?

Because I love being outside.

Because it feels so good to move my body.

Because I love getting sweaty.

Why is running important to me?

Because the thrill of a race is one of the most awe-inspiring feelings I’ve ever experienced.

Because there is nothing better than a great running conversation.

Because I want to be active and healthy during my whole, long life.

For the sake of what am I running?

Because each time I do it, I feel incredible afterwards.

Because I want prove to myself that I can do it!

Suddenly, running has become fun again.  I’m looking forward to it.  I am LOVING it again.

So, what's on your dreaded to-do list? What chore can you redefine?  Where can you ask yourself “why is this important”? 

What lame-ass thing do you “have to” do this week? 

What email are you putting off writing?

What presentation are you dreading creating? 

What awkward conversation are you avoiding? 

What errand are you procrastinating on week after week?   

What exercise commitment are you breaking to yourself?

I ask you:

Why do you want to do it?

For the sake of what are you doing it?

Why is this important to you?

Ask “why”.  Why do you “have to” do it?

Is it because you want the best work environment for your team?

Is it because you want to congratulate a colleague on their new job?  

Is it because you want to showcase the amazing work of your team in front of your superiors? 

Is it because you want nutritional food in your body to give you energy?

Is it because you want a passport to travel to a best friend’s wedding?

Suddenly, you’ll understand why you’re really doing something.  You will connect deeply to the powerful motivation, emotions and dreams you have within.

Charles Duhigg says it beautifully in his brilliant book Smarter, Faster, Better.  In life, “once we start asking why, those small tasks become pieces of a larger constellation of meaningful projects, goals, projects and values.”   You can start to recognize how small chores and tasks are a part of the bigger picture.  These tasks tie to the big emotional “what” in your life.  They prove that you have choices. 

Knowing the “why” reminds you that you are in control of your life.

Doing any of these small tasks and chores on their own often seem boring.  Remedial.  Stressful.

Yet it is the every day that matters.  It is the small things that create the joy in your life.  The happiness.  The fulfillment. The satisfaction.  The memories.

You need to connect these to something you deeply want in your life.  Tie them to a DREAM you have.  Attach what you’re doing to what you most desire.

Once you make the “why” connection, everything changes. Doing that task, that chore, becomes a gift.  Ok – maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. No amount of connection to my desire for hosting awesome guests makes me think cleaning a toilet is a gift.  But it certainly shifts my mindset.   And it makes what I’m doing a choice. 

It reminds me that I’m in control of my life. 

And you are in control of your life.

Connecting to your why sparks transformation. Suddenly your “to-do” is meaningful. It becomes an opportunity to create the life you want to live.  It’s proof that living a dream life is possible – because you’re DOING IT!

If you don’t have a good “why” answer, I challenge you to reconsider even doing it.  And in case you are wondering, “because I have to” is NOT a valid response.

If you don’t have a good reason as to “why”, I challenge you to not do that task.

It’s that simple.  It will make the difference. You’ll be living a life that is deliberate.   Living a life that is full of “want to’s”. 

Living a life that is created by YOUR choices! 

That will make you happier.  This will make your “to-do” list seem less overwhelming.  You’ll be more relaxed. You’ll be more grateful.  You’ll be more engaged as you do the things you do during the week because you are CHOOSING to do them.  You know WHY you are doing it (and it feels so good!) 

Ask WHY.  Know why it MATTERS.  Reclaim your power to choose. 

Create the life YOU want.

Lisa

PS. On this cloudy Vancouver day, I had to ask myself the “why does this matter” question while writing this too.  Happiness, success, pride – it all takes discipline and it’s a constant journey.   I’m no exception. If you, like me, need to make asking “why you want it” a habit, here’s some suggestions:

·      Create a reminder in your calendar to ask “why does this matter” when you review your to-do list every morning. 

·      Put a sticky note on your computer to remind yourself. 

·      Share this newsletter with a friend or partner and commit to each other to ask each other “why is it important” the next time you’re lacking motivation. 

·      Turn on the “Wannabe” song and crank it when the Spice Girls ask you to “tell me what you want, what you really really want.”  After you’re done dancing around the house, make sure you say (or sing!) what you want, what you really really want.

 You’ll either find the spark you need to just do it or erase it from your list altogether. 

 Either way, consider that to-do list crushed! 

Zigazig Ah to that! 

Without these 3 letters, you'll never reach your dreams

It started with crying elephant tears in bed.   The kind of tears that you can hardly breathe through. Instead of taking in air, I was basically yelping. It was not my finest moment.

Those kind of tears don’t happen very often.  But when they do, you can bet it’s because something really heart-breaking is going on with me.

I.  Have.   No.   Friends. 

The words could hardly come out amid the yelping, panting, sobbing mess I had become.

This is how my year of no excuses started.  My own year of yes (even before Shonda Rhimes’ book came out). 

I pretence this story with a word of caution.  I believe it is important it is to say no.  Because we all have to say no at one point or another.  If you’re an economics person, you know this as opportunity cost.  If you’re a regular human, you know you have to say no because there’s only 24 hours in a day.

This isn’t a story to encourage you to become a type-A workaholic.  Or a people-pleaser.

This is about saying yes to YOU.  Saying yes to your dreams.  Saying yes to what you want.

So back to me being a yelping, sobbing mess. 

I had left all my friends and family behind and moved to Northern Alberta about a year and a half before.  I had found a pretty awesome job.  I was crazy-in-love with the man I had moved to be with.  We had recently bought our first house together and it was a dream house.  We had an incredible 15 friends come help us move which is incredible on it’s own. Things were good.  Things were great even!

But this particular Friday night, I laid in bed crying.  Troy was working early the next morning so around 9pm, we headed to bed.  (I know, I’m a wild woman).  As we lay there, snuggling, I suddenly found myself very unhappy.  I told Troy I had no friends.  I was lost.  I missed home. I wanted to move home.  Did I?  I don’t know.  I was confused. All I knew was that I was lonely. 

At the same time I was texting.  Modern attention deficit problems - exhibit A.

Through the tears, the words, me telling him how miserable I was, I was texting.

At one point, he asked me who I was texting. I told him I was texting Danielle.  My friend Danielle.

He asked “what’s she texting you about?”

“She’s heading to a patio for drinks and wants me too join.”

It wasn’t long after those words came out of my mouth that I realized my own fallacy.  Yet I can always count on Troy to bring it up.

“Wait a minute… you’re laying in bed crying that you have no friends? And at the same time, you are texting your friends and telling them you don’t want to hang out?

Lisa this is insane. 

Yup.  It was.  It made zero sense.  And yet it was the jolt that I needed.

From that moment, I committed to stop using excuses.  The excuse of being too tired on a Friday night.  The excuse of not being interested in a particular hobby or activity.  The excuse that I wanted to spend more time with Troy.   Because while they may have been true, they weren’t going to get me any closer to what I wanted.

If I wanted friends (and I really, really did), I was going to have to let go of the excuses and just say yes! 

So for the next year, I committed to saying yes every time someone asked me to hang out.  I said yes and just went for it.  I didn’t have to love everything I went to or tried. I didn’t have to be best friends with everyone I met.  Heck, I could even try to be home by 9pm if I really wanted.   BUT I was going to try and that made all the difference.

When I stopped making excuses, I had unbelievable experiences.

I joined a Couch to 5km group and started running.

I made some awesome friends of friends that became my friends.

I volunteered and helped grow my community.

I traveled to Iceland with 20 friends, 2 weeks before our wedding.   

I found my people. I built incredible, lifelong friendships.

Because I said yes. 

I said yes to my dreams. My hopes. My desire for friendships.

I said no to being too tired. To making excuses.  To feeling sorry for myself.

I said no to having a pity party. I said yes to (a whole lot of) real parties. 

Now it’s your turn.

What are you saying no to that you should be saying yes to? 

What dream are you letting hide behind your fears?   What do you deeply desire that you are not getting in your life because you are saying no to it?   Where are you stuck in your life because your excuses are taking over? 

Say yes to hanging out with someone you don’t know.

Say yes to that project at work that excites you (even if you don’t know exactly how to do every step).

Say yes to booking that trip you’ve been dying to.

Say yes to going to that yoga class at the new studio.

Say yes to starting a blog.

Say yes to applying for a new job because you hate the one you’re in.

Say yes to starting that business.

Say yes to taking a night course because you know it’d bring joy to you.

Say yes to getting a babysitter and having date night.  Every Friday. Every month.  Whatever you need.

And say YES to continuing to say YES. 

Commit to saying yes to making friends and being in great company. 

Yes to doing work that excites and engages you. 

Yes to visiting the places of your dreams. 

Yes to a healthy body.

Yes to stretching and challenging your mind. 

Yes to nurturing love in your life.   

I can’t wait to hear about what you say YES to!

Lisa

PS.  If you’ve been debating saying yes to coaching, it’s time to shed that fear too.  It’s up to you to say yes and contact me for a free discovery session.  There’s no pressure. No sales.  This is about us chatting to see if we connect and if we can make your dreams come true together.  If you’re reading this and have a nagging feeling that I’m talking to you, I probably am.  What do you have to lose?  (Hopefully my story has taught you – nothing).    Who knows – it could be the call that changes your life like my “yes” did!

The Light in my Dark Week

Yet again, I had a planned to share different insights with you today.  But my life has been consumed with something else this week and it has been so soul shaking, I need to share with you what’s going on in my life.  And what I’m learning.

 Truthfully, I don’t even know where to start. 
 
For those who may not know, my husband Troy and I recently moved from Fort McMurray to Vancouver.  Troy lived in Fort McMurray for 9 years and I lived in Fort McMurray for 5.5 years.

This week, as you know, Fort McMurray has been dealt a devastating blow.  The community of 88,000 people was evacuated and the most recent count is that 2,400 structures within the community have burned to the ground.
 
Some of you reading this are from Fort McMurray.



If you are one of those brave people who has been evacuated and is now working to rebuild your life, you are a hero to me.


 
I cannot pretend to imagine what you are going through. And I certainly am not writing this to take away any of the support and credit you deserve. 

 
My aim is to share some of the stories of strength, courage and heart.  And to hopefully uplift you as you start to rebuild our incredible community.

 
The decision to move from Fort McMurray was not an easy one.  We didn’t leave Fort McMurray for any negative reason.  We would have told you two weeks ago, and I’ll tell you today, we LOVED calling Fort McMurray home. 
 

We left Fort McMurray because we wanted a change, an adventure and new opportunities. Of course, those are the same reasons why we moved to Fort McMurray in the first place.
 
 
For us, the fires in Fort McMurray have been deeply personal and devastating.  The horror, the stories of fear, tales of incredible human spirit and togetherness, the images of people’s homes burned, the videos of harrowing escapes – these are the memories and experiences of our beloved friends and family. 
 
 
What I want to share with you is some of my lessons and reflections. I want to share what gives me hope and what I know for sure.
 

My heart has been shattered into a million little pieces. I know I am not alone in this.
 
I have spoken to many friends who have also moved from Fort McMurray.  They have shared in the heartbreak along with the evacuees, and our beautiful country.  I hope as I gather my thoughts writing this, it helps you in some way to gain perspective too. 
 
 
The hardest moments for me were:

• Hearing initial reports of the fire. Feeling the fear and anxiety of evacuation through my friends in their texts, phone calls and messages.
• Knowing how seemingly impossible it would be to evacuate 88,000+ people through 1 highway.
• Watching the news and non-stop traffic reports, praying everyone would get out safe.
• Sitting at home helpless. Not knowing what to do and how to help.
• Feeling guilty for leaving.  Feeling guilty for being safe. Feeling guilty for feeling guilty.
• Having Troy evacuated (from one of the oil sands sites south of the city) and not knowing how fast the fires were coming his way.
• Not being there for friends during the escape  - to help rescue pets or share rides.  Or even now as they start to establish a new sense of normal and routine.
• Hearing and watching videos of friend’s harrowing escapes, knowing it’s someone I deeply care about.
• Knowing many of my friends remained in the city (and are there to this day) fighting for its future.
• Hearing from many friends who have lost their homes.  Seeing the photos they share of their houses no longer standing.  Or being the one to break the awful news of a friend’s home to him/her.  Crushing.
• Seeing photos and videos that showed that both the homes we lived in while in Fort McMurray have now been reduced to ashes.  I am saddened by our fortune in the misfortunes of others.

What I learned
 

• Miracles do exist.  The fact that 88,000 people were evacuated safely is a miracle.   Don’t believe me?  Let me put it this way. Until recently, everyday traffic in Fort McMurray was so bad that the TV show Dexter once used footage of traffic in Fort McMurray to demonstrate an evacuation. Now imagine that everyday traffic being an actual evacuation.  MIRACLE.

• The human spirit is relentless.  The whole country has come together to support complete strangers.  The whole world is watching and praying and providing free food, gas, donations, water, clothing and accommodation. Sometimes the worst situations in the world bring out the best in humanity.  This tragedy is no exception.

• Heroes are among us.  Hero is a word we should not use lightly. But to all the people who stayed to save the town when everyone else fled – those people are heroes. To the people who came running to the rescue from around the world and joined the efforts to keep Fort McMurray alive – you are a hero.  These are every day people who have risen to the challenge and shown tremendous courage and strength.  They are the firefighters, and RCMP, who fought and continue to work despite losing their own homes.  To the oil sands employees, Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo and countless others that have been working on a safe environment for all people, you are my heros. I personally know a lot of these people and am humbled.  I bet you have heroes in your life too.  Find one and go hug a hero today.

• You are stronger than you think.  There’s a group that doesn’t get mentioned enough that is incredibly inspiring to me.  These are the men and women whose families are STILL in Fort McMurray.  You are heros!   I can’t even imagine what you are going through.  I know many men and women who single-handedly evacuated their families and had to drive out of the city, without their partners, kids or parents.  That must have been unbelievably difficult.  But I know, and you have proved, that you are strong. I know you are faced with challenges that continue to come. The questions, the unknowns. 

 Keep your chin up. Stay positive. You are stronger than you think. You will do it.
 

• Your memories are forever.  There are some things not even “the beast” of a fire can take.  It has been very saddening to imagine both the houses we lived in are now gone.  I know it is much more difficult for those who have lost their current houses.  Through the sadness, I believe we can all take comfort in knowing that our memories are always with us.  The deck Troy and I built with help from our dads may be gone but I’ll never forget how “legit” I felt learning how to screw nails into a deck and the pride I experienced.   The hot-tub we laboriously moved into our backyard with no less than 10 people may no longer be there.  In my mind though, I will always smile as I remember the hot-tub parties we’d host and in the summer, the cold-tub parties we had when we turned down the temperature on hot Fort Mac days.  These possessions and structures may be gone.  But the lessons, the laughter, the bonds and the friendships - those stay with me forever.  And yours will forever be with you.

• Nothing is more precious than time with loved ones.  In our everyday lives, we sometimes get so busy accumulating stuff and getting bogged down in things.  Times like these remind us that our lives are the most precious thing we ever have. Everything else is a distraction from the important things – love, friendship, family, courage, laughter, kindness and connection.  This has been a beautiful reminder for me and I will be looking for more ways to keep this in the front of my mind when the tempting hamster wheel of consumption starts calling my name again.

I have hope:
 

• Fort McMurray will rebuild.  This is an opportunity for rebirth and new life.  Fort McMurray is the most tight-knit community I have ever been a part of.  I don’t know if it is the fact that we were so isolated.  Or the fact that people come from afar and leave everything behind in hopes for a better life.  Or that we usually don’t have family in the area so friends and coworkers become your family.  I spent countless Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving dinners, Easters, birthdays, stagettes, moving days and baby showers with my Fort Mac family. Many of the smartest, most driven, intelligent, funny, and hard-working people I’ve ever met are from Fort McMurray.  Their dedication and work ethic will ensure our community is rebuilt and better than ever.

 
I have no doubt that the community will come back. As much as it has a reputation for being transient in nature (and it definitely is in many ways), those who have called it home and continue to call it home have a deep love for the city.
 

• Having faith in the unknown is sometimes more important than “knowing.”  My faith and trust in the Universe must scream louder than the guilt I’m feeling for moving away and for not being there.  I’ve felt extremely guilty for leaving Fort McMurray. For leaving my friends.  For being safe in my bed, in my home while they experience a living nightmare.  BUT I know this is not logical.  Instead, I must trust that this is for a reason. I may not understand it fully, but I must put faith in “what is meant to be.”  As a type-A planner, this is hard.  And yet, I also can believe that perhaps I’m meant to be in Vancouver because now I can help my friends.  Without having to worry about my own safety, I can support them.  I can help them find a new normal.  I can fundraise.  And maybe even go to Fort McMurray to help with the clean-up and rebirth.

 
 
If this at all resonates for you, as an evacuee, as someone who is connected to Fort McMurray in any way, or for anyone who wants to help – I encourage you to have faith.  Have faith that there is light after darkness.  That there is beauty within the ugly. That you have control of your life and it WILL have happiness in it again. There will be a day when you will be better than ok.   Have faith that there is a larger purpose.  That through the pain, the tragedy, there will be regrowth.  There will be pride. There will be an even stronger sense of community.  There will be courage.  There will be love. 

And there will be Fort McMurray.
 

What you can do:
 
If you are an evacuee – I am so proud of your strength and courage.  I am humbled by the grace with which you have handled the last week.  Please take the time for yourself and your family. Take time for what is important to you.  Give yourself permission to heal. 

You are not alone.  We will be there on this journey.
 We are all with you. 

 
If you are anyone else reading this:  Please donate.  You can donate to the Red Cross here.   Or consider donating to the United Way of Fort McMurray, an organization I worked very closely with during my time there and can only say incredible things about.  Here is some information about other organizations you can also help including the local SPCA and Salvation Army. 

 
*To support the rebuild of Fort McMurray, I have decided to offer The Spark package for free in lieu of a donation to the Red Cross for anyone who invests before May 31st, 2016.  That means that if you donate the amount of what you would normally pay me for The Spark package - $500 - to the Red Cross or United Way of Fort McMurray, I will provide you coaching services.  It’s a win-win-win situation.  Fort McMurray evacuees get help while you get coaching AND you get a tax-refund.  And I get the pleasure of working with you.  Please get in touch with me FIRST if you are interested so we can work out the details. Quantities are limited – contact me now if you are interested!  *
 
For Fort McMurray evacuees, I want to be sure you have the support you need.  I’m sure there are so many emotions that you are going through right now.  I am not a counsellor and coaching is definitely NOT a replacement for these services. Please ensure you are taking care of your physical and mental health and getting the help you need for your family.   
 
 
Thank you for supporting those affected by the tragedy and for supporting each other.
 

With love and humility,
 
Lisa




PS The photos I've shared are of happy times in Fort McMurray.  Because that's what Fort McMurray is to me.

 A place of joy.  Friendships.  Laughter.  Natural beauty.  Adventure. 

 That's what Fort McMurray will be again.