The hardest thing I've done all year

Things have been quiet from me, I know, but I promise it’s for a good reason.

Here’s the ugly, truth about what’s going on with me.

This year has been an amazing year, and one of a ton of growth (which actually just means, things have been really hard).

I struggled through 19 months of being a work-at-home mom who hustled during nap-times, bedtimes, and gave my child a pen to chew on so I could finish off just “one more email”. (Judge away….).

I hired new team members for the first time in my business and had to let go of the reins… and show up as a leader. At times, I’ve been less-than-steller.

I searched for over 18 months, called over 100 daycares and finally transitioned Sonoma into a wonderful day-home 4 weeks ago.

All year, I’ve been releasing my need to people please and it’s been ugly, and messy, and I STILL just want to make everyone else happy.

This year, I’ve failed - a lot.

I won an award as one of Vancouver’s Top Mom Bloggers… but lost the top honours.

I started creating an awesome course, but put it on pause to take my own advice and focus on 1 thing.

And I’ve been hard on myself - SO hard on myself, that for the first time in my life, I’ve struggled with anxiety and self-doubt on a level that’s made me less of the mom and entrepreneur I know I’m meant to be.

As I write out and reflect on all of these things, it feels heavy. And real.

And yet, the biggest challenge I’ve faced this year has been creating a very special project for you a Podcast.

You might be wondering… why would a PODCAST (of all things) be the hardest thing?!

Because it’s been the culmination of ALL the things.

It’s made me face my shortcomings as a leader - and step up in a whole new way.

It’s made me show up consistently, even when I don’t feel like it.

I’ve recorded, and re-recorded episodes AGAIN and AGAIN, to make them perfect. All while knowing, they will never be perfect.

The perfectionist in me has manifested itself in the creation of the Podcast being slower than I hoped, which of course triggered all the nasty thoughts:

“What’s taking you so long?”

“You said you would have this done months ago. You have no integrity.”

“How can you lead others when you can’t even do it right?”

And not one to miss out, my fear AND inner critic who cares what others think jumped right on in too.

“This isn’t even that good.”

“Who’s going to listen to you?”

“Who cares about what you have to say?”

“What if it fails and no-one listens?”


Why am I sharing all this?

I’m sharing this because I want you to know this:

Next week, my Podcast is launching - for YOU, in spite of ALL of this messiness.

As I write this, I have tears in my eyes.

Because I know how hard trying new things can be. How challenging it is to step outside your comfort zone.

I know how easy it is to people please to the point where your dreams come last.

I know how fear can take over and make you feel like it has to be “perfect” and that you’re not good enough and never will be.

ALL of these things, I know.

And I still FREAKIN’ DID IT!!!

*Cue the ugly-crying*

You are why.

You are why I kept going.

And as you read this - and as you get ready (I hope) to listen to the Podcast when it launches next week (EEEEE!!), I hope you see it as the reminder that YOU can do anything you put your mind to.

Achieving your goals isn’t all perfect. In fact, most moments are NOT Instagramable.

You will doubt yourself.

You will fail.

You will be afraid - and you’ll procrastinate, and over-perfect, and wonder what the f* you’re doing.

You will make mistakes.

You will struggle to put yourself first, and have to work through mom guilt, and the judgement of not being a “nice girl” - real or perceived.

But if you know that’s part of the process (and I guarantee you, it IS!!), you will keep going.

When you see the podcast launch in your Apple Podcasts/iTunes and Google Play next week, you will know whatever dream YOU have in your heart, you can do it too.

When you listen to the first, and third and fifth episode and hear how it’s not perfect, I hope it gives you permission to just get started. Even if it’s not “perfect” or you’re “not ready.”

And when you hear the 100th episode and how awesome it is, you’ll know that wasn’t a “natural talent” - I had to learn, and if I can, you can too.

When you think about your goal and realize you have NO idea how to get there, remember this: we are 4 days from launch day and I’m still trying to figure out exactly “how” and “when” Apple Podcasts + Google Play + Spotify + Stitcher are going to work together. Let this be the reminder that you don’t need to know all the steps you just have to get started.

When a dream in your heart takes longer than you thought it would, you will look inside and ask yourself if it still matters? And if it does, you will persist. Regardless of timelines.

Most of all, you will realize, like I did, that it’s never about the goal.

It’s about who you become in the process.

It’s about becoming stronger. More resilient. More patient and compassionate - with yourself, mostly.

It’s about following your heart in a world that tells you there’s only one way to be successful, or to be a good employee, wife, or good girl, or good mom.

It’s about having the courage to be YOU, exactly who you ARE - and create the life that YOU want.

It’s about you becoming the woman you’re meant to be.

When you see the podcast go live, I want you to remember THIS message:

It’s not about the podcast - it’s about you - remembering that YOU can do anything.

And for you - it’s not about the goal you’re trying to achieve -- or the one you’re struggling to achieve right now.

It’s about you becoming the best, most authentic, courageous and beautiful version of YOU.

Thank you for inspiring me to keep going. Thank you for supporting me in creating for you.

Thank you, from YOU, for chasing those dreams, even when it’s freakin’ hard.

You’re amazing.



PS. To all my Canadian friends, Happy Thanksgiving. I am truly grateful for you.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.