“So, how does a 5:00 am coaching session work for you?”
(Don't worry if your answer is "hell no" too.)
Today, I'm talking about boundaries.
The word is sure to elicit some emotion out of you.
Maybe you’re curious about what it might be like to have boundaries. Maybe you’re excited because you have great boundaries. Maybe you feel awkwardness around boundaries – how does one even set them?! Maybe you feel claustrophobic just thinking about boundaries.
While it’s important that our dreams, hopes, and love is unlimited, in order to be our best self, boundaries are necessary.
Lately, mine have been tested.
I had someone ask me if I could do a coaching call at 5:00 am.
As hard as I try, I’m not a morning person.
I knew to be my best (which this person deserved), I’d have to be up at 4:00 am.
That wasn’t going to happen.
I politely and honestly told the truth. I emailed them back and shared that to be on my A-Game, we couldn’t start at 5:00 am. I rescheduled our call.
Two things happened:
1) They didn’t care.
In my head, I imagined the worst-case scenario. I thought they’d be angry. Had fears that they’d email me back and call me a horrible, un-dedicated coach. I envisioned that they’d mud my name on social media, Fox News and who knows where else.
None of that happened.
We found another time, the same day, that we could both connect.
And we had a beautiful coaching conversation.
2) I was able to show up as my best self.
I got the sleep I needed. I had my tea before our call.
I was well-rested. Well-prepared. And able to completely focus on the person, the human, the soul in front of me.
Here’s the funny thing about boundaries:
Often, we’re scared to set them.
We worry what people will think when we set them.
But really, we’re doing ourselves, and them a service.
We demonstrate that we care about how we show up in the world.
That we care about them.
And ultimately, it gives them the same permission to set boundaries too.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.
They are empowering for you – and those around you.
Maybe the boundary you need to set is around getting home in time for dinnerwith your family. Maybe it’s a boundary about your pricing.
Maybe it’s about jokes that your colleagues make around you. Maybe it’s a boundary around how quickly you (won’t!) reply to late night emails.
If there’s a boundary you need to set (and let’s be honest, we all have at least one!), I want you to do it. This week.
Here’s how to set your boundaries:
1) Be honest. If you’re genuine and open about what’s going on for you and what’s important to you, people will appreciate and respect it.
2) Be consistent. Set the boundary and stick to it. It will demonstrate you’re serious about it. And that you know you what you want and how to get it.
3) Be confident. Practice saying it before you say it. If you’re writing an email or social media post, make sure to take out any minimizing words like “just” and “possibly.” Trust me – the world won’t fall apart because you said “no”, “no more” or “no thank you.”
This week, I challenge you to set a boundary that you need to be your best self. Communicate your expectations.
Create the space that serves you best. Draw the line in the sand. (I’d make a joke about building a wall, but we’re a bit too close to the election for that).
Just to be clear, I don't expect you to meet me tomorrow morning at 5:00 am.
That is my boundary.
You get to have yours too. Know that your boundaries will change your life. AND you’ll inspire those around you to have the courage to set the boundaries for themselves.
That’s exactly what creating Success on Your Terms is all about!
PS. Yes, setting boundaries is really as easy as
a) Being honest
b) Being consistent and
c) Being confident.
But what if people don’t understand or are total a-holes about it?
Let’s just say they aren’t your people.
It’s your life.
You’ll get to decide whether you want to keep them in your life or not.
If your job isn’t respecting your boundaries, I have faith you will find one that does.
If your partner or colleagues don’t get why you’ve said “no,” and refuse to respect it, there’s other fish in the sea. (Yes, there still is. I’ve checked.)