Here’s a bold question for you:
How many people do you piss off on a daily, weekly or monthly basis?
How often do you have people disagreeing with you?
Do you ruffle feathers and challenge those around you?
If you can say “all the time”, “too many to count” and “heck yes”, this post isn’t for you.
But if your answers involved “no-one”, “never”, “not me”, you need to read this.
If you aren’t pissing anyone off, you aren’t doing anything interesting.
And yes – this post might trigger you and piss you off, but at least I’m doing something interesting.
Here are some more bold questions for you:
Are you as successful as you want to be?
Have you achieved your goals and dreams, consistently?
Does it ever feel like no matter how hard you try, or what you try, that you can’t break to the next level?
Does it seem like there’s something stopping you from really achieving your goals… but you can’t figure out what it is?
I feel you. I hear you.
I was there a few short months ago.
I just turned 32 and had hit a lot of great milestones in my life.
But it felt like I’d hit my limit of success. And no matter what I did, I couldn’t break through.
I spent a few days, reflecting, trying to figure out what was holding me back.
I realized I was:
· Always wanting/needing to be the “smartest person in the room”
· Never asking for help, or wanting to inconvenience people who were more successful than me
· Holding back on tools, ideas, quotes, truths that would help my clients and my community.
What I realized as I started digging into these things was an ugly, hideous truth:
These were all based on my need to be liked.
My deep, deep desire to be liked. My insatiable need to please others, to be nice, to be a good girl.
I just sighed reading this out loud because it’s so ugly to admit.
But it is the truth.
And since then, I’ve uncovered SO many more areas in my life where I’ve held back because I just want to be nice, and I want to be liked.
Can you relate to this?
Recently, I’ve started sharing on this topic and I’ve been overwhelmed by the response from women like you.
Overwhelmed – and saddened – that it’s not just me who struggles with this.
Do you ever find yourself going along to get along?
Maybe you’re in a group of people and someone asks what everyone feels like for dinner.
Do you say what you want? Or do you quietly wait for everyone else to chime in?
Do you shy away from sharing a great new book you’re reading because you don’t want your friends to make fun of you for reading “self-help”?
Do you avoid talking about your success because you know your family is just going to roll their eyes and make some comment about how “money isn’t everything” or “success doesn’t last”?
Be honest: do you tip-toe around what you really need, or really think, or really want to say?
You are not alone.
And you DO have a choice:
1) Continue to stay where you are and stay safe, making everyone else happy.
2) Or decide to do what’s going to make YOU happy.
Think about what you want in your life – and know that YOU, ONLY YOU, have to live with your regret if you don’t make this the life you want.
Hear that again:
No-one else has to live with your regret.
Not your mom. Not your partner. Not your “bff”.
Only you will carry your own regret.
NOW, are you on board now to get rid of that people pleasing sh*t?
If this is you, you know the first step is just admitting it. Understanding it. And being ok with it.
The second step is to start building that truth muscle. To start speaking up, sharing what you believe and owning it.
You can do this in small and big ways.
When your colleague does a coffee run, give them your ridiculous full-page Starbucks order. (Because it’s delicious and you know you’d do it for them).
When your friend asks what you want to do this weekend, tell them you want to go nerd out on your favourite movie. Or that you feel like dressing up and dancing your heart out.
When your family talks about how what you do is a “pyramid scheme” for the 80th time during dinner, step in and let them know how it makes you feel and what it’s been able to do for your life and community.
And if you have to, let them know you will stop showing up to dinner if this is how every meal is going to go down. (GASP! I know… this is big).
Oh, and remember if you aren’t pissing off at least a few people in your life, you aren’t doing anything interesting enough. So start pissing people off!
The third step is to go deeper and uncover what it is that makes you want so deeply to please people.
Is it because you want to fit in? Were you bullied as a child and now that manifests as you always wanting to be included? (This is a big one for me!).
Is it because you want to be easy-going? Maybe your parents separated when you were young and by being the good girl, you still go to spend time with your mom on weekends.
I know. Sh*t just got real here.
But you’ve got to get to the root.
Journal on it. Talk it out with a friend, mentor, coach or therapist.
Meditate on it.
Challenge yourself to bust through your limiting beliefs and shine your bright light and your truths!
Know that this isn’t a quick fix. You may not let go of all your people-pleasing tendencies by the end of this post.
But you can start today by opening your eyes to the fact that if you’re stuck in life, it might be because you’re letting other people’s opinions be more important than what you want.
You start today.
You start by being honest about how hard it is to not be liked. To not always be the nice girl.
You start by being honest about what it is you want.
You start by being bold enough to GO for what you want, even if it’s not going to make everyone happy.
But you’re going for it because it’s going to make YOU happy.
You show up authentically, and show up for your goals and dreams.
Start pissing some people off.
Do interesting things.
Break out of your limits.
Go for that dream life. And get your goals.
Because you get to live with the life you created. Live the life you dream of, the one you know is meant for you.
Trust me, they’re a heck of a lot sweeter than living with your regrets.
You need to know this:
Despite your deepest fears, most people will NOT come after you with pitch forks (like I imagined they would).
Most people won’t even blink an eye with you being honest.
Other people might.
And if you lose a few people along the way?
Know they will be replaced by people who will support you as you speak your truth.
You will be surrounded by other people who encourage you to read the “self help”.
You’ll be encouraged by friends and family who are excited to see you succeed.
And you’ll be doing it on YOUR terms.
Go piss a few people off, today.
Bring your question and fears: let's bust them and piss people off together!