There are some parts about myself I don't enjoy admitting.
THIS is one of those things.
I struggle sometimes with jealousy.
Jealousy creates a lot of emotions inside me.
In my young days, I sometimes turned this into gossip and negativity.
I turned this into talking people I cared about out of their dreams and joy.
And I hate to admit it, and feel HORRIBLE about it, but it’s true.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion and without consciously harnessing it, it can create a lot of negative actions and reactions.
In my past, I allowed it to sometimes make me a person who wasn’t the best version of myself.
Fast-forward 15 years and what feels like a lifetime away from high school, I can say I still get jealous.
But I no longer allow it to turn me into a negative person.
Instead, jealousy has become a super-fuel for me. And it can become a super-fuel for you too.
Honestly, since High School, I’ve achieved things in my life I only dreamed I might.
I married an incredible man and we’ve built a life together, as true partners.
I’ve had a fulfilling career, and now get to grow a business that I LOVE and challenges me, all the time.
I speak on stages in front of hundreds and even a thousand people – and get paid to do it. (They don’t tell you this in school, but when you talk too much in class, you should turn that strength into a business).
I have the most amazing daughter Sonoma who is, by all accounts, an incredible human already and brings so much joy to my life.
I live in a gorgeous penthouse downtown Vancouver (my dream city!), and get to travel around the world.
Did anything I just say make you jealous?
Good.
Not because it makes me feel good; but because I know it has the potential to inspire and fuel you.
In case you’re wondering yes, I still get jealous of others.
All the time.
But the difference between me THEN and me NOW, is that now, I use jealousy as my secret sauce.
I use jealousy as fuel. And you can too.
A lot of “common” wisdom these days tells you to just “un-follow” people who make you jealous. Or spend less time with them in your life if you can’t be around them.
And hey, I’m not one for creating spaces or being around people that don’t make you happy, social media included. Sometimes it’s essential to create positivity in your life and important to block out noise.
But BEFORE you just un-follow, or un-friend (in person or real life) who makes you feel jealous, I want you to first harness the power and potential of jealousy.
Jealousy does three incredible things for you:
1) It shows you that what you want is possible.
2) It shows you what you truly want, even before you dare to say it out loud
3) It sheds light on your own self-doubts so you can level up
Here’s how to use jealousy as your secret sauce too:
1) Let jealousy prove to you that what you want is possible.
The simple fact is that if someone else has it, it’s possible for you to have it too.
There is no limit to success in this world and just because someone else has a husband that adores them, doesn’t mean you can’t have that too.
When you see someone else traveling the world as you desire to, or landing podcast guests you want to host, or climbing the NYT best-seller list for their new book, you know that all that can happen for you too.
Seeing others achieve and have what we want proves that our dreams are possible, and out there waiting for us to go get them.
And while your dreams are possible even if NO-ONE is doing it, this proof and example other set for us sure is a sweet perk of jealousy.
Since success leaves clues, you can get inspired from what that person has achieved and learn from what they did to get there.
Suddenly, you’re even closer to what YOU want.
Thank you, jealousy.
2) Let jealousy show you what you truly want, even before you dare to say it out loud
Society has a pretty clear path charted for most of us.
School → Post-secondary → Steady job (bonus points for benefits and fancy titles) → Marriage → House in the ‘burbs → Kids → Retirement → Death.
A lot of people don’t even consider wanting things outside of this path, or even flipping the order or status quo of this path.
But I know for a fact that this path does not make most people truly fulfilled in life.
Let’s get real: fulfillment, purpose, happiness or joy don’t even make the cut on that path, so can we all just agree this path just sucks?!
Instead, to live a life true to ourselves, we have to envision, chart, and go for the path we want; and sometimes that’s hard to even start.
That’s where jealousy comes in.
Getting jealous when you see a friend get a motorcycle might make you realize that you’d love to feel the breeze in your hair too one day, even if you never realized it before.
When you feel that tinge of “why her and not me” when you see your colleague accepting an award for her work, tune into what it is that’s making you uncomfortable.
Even if you think you know what you want, when you get jealous that someone else has it, envision yourself taking a highlighter and highlighting the experience in your mind as a goal and dream for yourself. Now you know, for sure, that’s what you want.
Sometimes external expectations or pressures can make us think things are more important than they actually are; titles, money, approval.
But what you really feel deep down, through jealousy, is your true emotion.
Maybe it’s recognition. Maybe it’s appreciation.
Maybe it’s to make an impact. Or to feel true love.
Whatever it is that’s triggering the jealousy is what you really want. Now, it’s time to listen to what you really want, and go get it.
Thank you, jealousy.
3) Allow jealousy to shed light on your own self-doubts so you can level up!
Jealousy often comes up stronger when we have our own doubts about whether or not we can achieve what we want.
If I see a friend crossing a finish line a few minutes faster than me, and it inspires me, I know that next time, with some training, I can also hit that time.
If I feel jealous when I see a friend land that personal best time, it might mean I’m not sure how or if I can do the same.
Seeing a friend’s business explode and expand quickly and feeling jealous shows me that I have some insecurities around my ability to grow a business quickly too.
Not only does jealousy help me see and understand what’s important, it shows me exactly where I need to up-level my mindset to meet my goals.
This is true for you too.
When you see someone achieve something and you get jealous, listen to that voice in your head.
Is it telling you you’re not good enough?
Or that you’ll never be able to achieve what she (or he) did because you’re not as pretty, rich, smart, or driven?
Often when jealousy is felt, our inner critic shows up to stoke the fire and shout out to our mind that “we can’t do it” and that’s why we’re jealous.
But {{ subscriber.first_name }}, no matter what that inner critic is telling you, once you recognize it for what it is, you take away its' power.
Once you know and hear what your self-doubt is saying, and where it lives, you can conquer it. Because mindset is critical as you achieve your goals and dreams.
And yes, YOU can achieve them.
Thank you, jealousy, for showing us where we are meant to up-level.
So, have I convinced you yet?
Do you see the secret sauce of jealousy?
The next time you get jealous, breathe it all in, and let it FUEL you.
Heck, even seek it out!
When you walk to your seat in economy, look at the people in first class and if you feel jealous, imagine how incredible it will feel one day when you also buy a first class ticket.
When you get invited to your fabulous friend’s house (or even mansion) and you feel that tinge of jealousy and the temptation to find flaws in the (let’s be honest – perfect) house, stop.
Instead, soak up the energy that comes from being in such a beautiful, gorgeous space until you own your own fabulous home too.
Thank the people who are successful in what you want for showing you it’s possible. Because hey, if it’s possible for them, then it’s possible for you, too!
Thank those jealous feelings for showing you what you really want. Because sometimes you don’t even realize it until you see it through the lens of jealousy.
Thank the jealousy for showing you your insecurities so you can remind yourself of your true worth, and continue growing your confidence in exactly the place you need it most. And shut up that inner critic for they know not what is real.
Soak in ALL the feelings of what it would be like to have that too - the house, the business, the body, whatever that is for you - and use that to set your goals and get motivated.
Observe what that person is doing that may help you on your journey.
What IS it that makes them special? What can you learn from them?
To be bolder? To set a big intention? Or maybe to make mistakes along the way.
The next time you feel jealous, do these things and keep going for your success.
Because your success is coming too.
Even if it takes longer than it took someone else, or than you thought it would take you.
You’re on your way to the success you desire.
And jealousy is the super-fuel to take you there.
Graciously yours,
Lisa Michaud
Success Coach
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See you tonight!